Guild War 2; The Division; On Moving Ahead
Guild Wars 2
On Moving Ahead
I’ve never really been happy with what I’ve been writing. I’ve read back through my posts and yeah, there’s some gems here and there, although nothing like many of my posts that were lost to the fires of history. The more I saw my readership drop over time, the more I wondered why, and the closer I looked at my content, my approach, and even my personal appeal to the community and have found them all lacking. I have nothing extraordinary to say, and spend a lot of words saying it and shipping it to a crowd that I believe doesn’t really have much interest in me as a member of their personal community.
All of this is more of a “let’s write it down and see if it makes sense”, and it does. I’m not writing this down in an attempt to elicit sympathy, but over the past year I’ve been using this blog as a public notepad while I undergo this crisis of conscious centered on my confusion about where I am and where I want to be in this community, and how much actual power I have to direct my own course in that regard. I’ve come to the decision that some kind of damage has been done, whether it’s through my selected topics, my voice, my style, my nuking the blog from orbit (not once, but twice!) and losing loyal readers in the process, my presence on social media, my lack of presence on social media, my personal philosophy on butting into people’s cliques, of acting like I fit in or of abstaining from trying to fit in, of aging through a community which follows the trend of valuing the new over the experienced, and of having my own tastes and needs and desires change, fall out of fashion, or return to being en vogue over time. Too many variables to account for, and too many variables to tweak and monitor for results. I can’t extract myself from where I am now, and I think I’ve know this for a long time, hence the scorched earth attempts I’ve enacted in the past; the only change can be to wipe the slate clean and start over with hopefully better results.
So no more insight, real or imagined. It’s tiring, even when the stub of a subject comes naturally. No more unqualified pseudo-psychology, no more armchair deconstruction. This will also be the last time I write these self-reflective missives, so you can thank me for that in the comments.
What’s left after that? Not a lot, so I expect that my days of three posts a week are at an end. I’ll post when I feel I’ve accumulated enough inoffensive content and desire to want to post, and then just enough so it doesn’t look like I’m squatting the domain name. My aim is to lessen the burden on myself in trying to keep up with the Joneses of the blogosphere, and by degrees to detox this bizarre need to “become someone” in the community. I do not have a personality which draws people to me. I think in the end the trying only does more harm than good to myself and to my relationships with people around me when I focus more on this community imposed rat race than on the reason why we’re actually “a community”.